A is for ... Ambition

The other day I jotted down a sort of A to Z of me, as I had realised, after my labels list, that I talk about a lot of things on this blog: parenting, food, children, all sorts, but perhaps not that much about me.  So here's the beginning of the A-Z of me: A is for ... Ambition

I don't have much!  At least not for myself.

I used to.  I wanted to pursue a career in academia, but after being unable to secure funding for my PhD - the big multinationals fund vivisection and other horrors, they don't fund studies in the arts and literature - I reluctantly put that on the back burner - a retirement or lottery-win project maybe!

Then, when I was teaching, at least at the start, I thought I'd go down the route of Deputy Head then Head Teacher, and then maybe a non-teaching or advisory type role.  How very silly of me!  The more I saw of schools and teaching, the more disillusioned with the whole concept I was.

At the same time,as I progressed through my early thirties, the desire need for children which had been gnawing away gently at me for years grew and grew.  There are people who are quite sure they never want children, there are people who aren't sure, and there are those who know for certain that that's what they want, that's what they're here for.  I am, and always was, in the last camp.

Ambition, at least the professional variety, flew out the window.  I found myself sat on the beach with colleagues one lunchtime, discussing the topic of ambition and where we saw ourselves going, and without thinking it came out of my mouth.

"I just want to get married and have children."

But I was a well-educated feminist, I had three degrees, I'd travelled fairly extensively, I'd worked whenever and wherever I wanted to, I could go places!

Nope, there it was.  My new 'ambition'.  I wasn't even sure it could be called an ambition.

When I was about nine my ambitions were to visit Spain (done at age 11), to be better at riding my bike (done, but long forgotten!) and to have a book published (hmm, still working on that one).

Was this new dream of domesticity an ambition?  More worryingly, was it one I could entertain as a feminist?  And more worryingly still, was it one I could achieve?

The husband-finding was the first mission, but that's another story.

Looking at my amazing husband and two beautiful daughters now, I can comfortably say that domestic bliss was an ambition, and one I have achieved.  Not that the domestic bliss is a permanent state, but there are some bits of every day which are blissful certainly, and I feel truly blessed every day.

Maybe I'm proof that feminism and domesticity can exist side by side, even as a stay at home mum.  I'm still me, just a different version of me.  I may develop some 'ambitions' related to this blog, which has already far exceeded whatever I thought it might be, but at the moment I'm not sure of those.  Just being me, Mummy, suits me fine at the moment.

So embrace and hold onto your ambitions, whatever they may be.  They're achievable somehow, although maybe not as easily as that trip to Spain!

My ambitions for my girls?  Health, happiness and joy, wherever they may find it.

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